he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
