It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
