Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
