Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
