Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
