There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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