You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
