i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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