tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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