btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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