were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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