Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
