Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize