They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
