Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
