Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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