If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
COCAINE IS GR8
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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