I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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