apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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