i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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