Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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