We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
