this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize