Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
