My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
