I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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