When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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