just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There are leaves in my underwear?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
