just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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