i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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