...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize