I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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