Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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