Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
