he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
