I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
