The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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