Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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