just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
