i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
