Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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