Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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