i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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