Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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