Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We need to rekindle our bromance
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
