five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize