can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
