He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
