She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
