Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Come on in and take your pants off
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
