Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
