I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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