Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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