Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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