i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
should my penis look like a turkey
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
