That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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