I think my vagina is haunted
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize