i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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