See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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