does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
