Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
